Health Forum

It sounds like your mother has some emotional problems. When you say "it's crazy," it really is kind of crazy. If there's a way to steer her toward seeking counseling, then do so.

For yourself, I don't think there's anything more you can do directly. I suggest as much as possible just ignoring her complaints in your conversations and moving on to the heart of the matter as quickly as possible--telling her what your day is like, etc. Just make it clear you will no longer engage in conversation on that topic anymore.

Why don't you answer the phone the first time she calls. Talk to her a little bit and then tell her you have a lot of things to do today. Then list some of those things and tell her you will call her later on in the day. Then do call her later.

My mom used to call me a few times a day when she knew I was home. I would answer and tell her what I was doing. If it was inconvenient, I'd tell her I'd call her later. Your mom may be lonely and doesn't realize what it is like for you to need more privacy.

My mom has been dead for nearly 13 years, and I wish she could still call me. Be a little understanding of where your mom is coming from. She will not always be here and maybe you will wish you could still talk to her.

OK, I didn't read all of it, and didn't need to, to be able to offer some advice. Your mother needs a wake-up call, now. You are too old to be treated this way. Send a message to mama that you will not talk to her for a month (or a week) because she has become abusive. And if she doesn't respect your need for privacy, you will change your cell phone numbers, and house phone if necessary. I don't think a 32 year old woman needs to be screaming at her mother over the phone. You need to make your boundaries with her absolutely clear, and stand by them.

Its not that hard to answer the phone and say, "Mom I'm resting I'll call you back." She's your mother, show her a little respect.

Ask her why she feels the need to do this and if she says that she is your mother or she worries or she has the right to know etc., tell her that this is gone to far and that if you don't respect me and my husbands space that you will change the phone numbers. You have to be firm because the reason she is consistent is because she will know that eventually you will answer the phone. So fight fire with fire. Be very blunt about it and you stay consistent.

If you are screening your calls, then yes, she's a right to be a bit ticked off.

If you're taking care of the baby, napping, in the shower, etc, then I'd think she would be more understanding. Next time she says, "You never answer the phone," level with her. Say, "Mom, I know. I have a newborn child to take care of, a household to run, and I work. I cannot sit by the phone so I can immediately pick up every time it rings. I'm sorry. You know I will call you when I'm available."

It sounds like this is a new behavior. Is she feeling excluded from your life? If you used to talk to her frequently, or saw her every day, she probably does feel like she's getting pushed out. Maybe you should make a point of visiting her regularly with the baby. Maybe she'd like to babysit while you go get a manicure. I don't know.