Health Forum

My soon-2-be ex husband took our 18 month old daughter for her first haircut without telling me and I had to find out through my grandmother. I work full time & then some.. I always have & I have always been the bread winner. I feel just absolutely devasted. I'm all about "firsts" i.e. first steps, first words and while I work so much.... I miss out on some of those things. I have them 4 days a week and give him 3. We have been separated for almost a year and he still resides at home with his mother. My older kids... (Boy, 5 & girl, 6) I saved their hair and placed them in their scrapbooks along with pics of their first cuts.... However, my ex just let them toss out my daughters gorgeous locks in the trash can. His excuse was... "He was tired of taking care of it" I feel truly and utterly heartbroken" It wasn't even that long, just this last month she was able to have 1 successful ponytail. He had them cut SHORT BANGS, any female out there should understand what a pain they can be while trying to grow them out! ugh i'm just so mad about this. :( he says i'm overreacting, am i?

yep, I'd be mad...but keep in mind he's a guy and was just NOT thinking about the first haircut as being a big deal...if he even realized it was the first.

You're not overreacting. He's just disrespectful. I'm sure he knows you're all about firsts. I'm also sure that if your baby just had her first successful ponytail that her hair was probably not a big deal to take care of. I bet he also has a lot of help from his mommy. He probably didn't even consider that a haircut should match her face shape and enhance her hair texture. See why you're not with him? Ugh! What a dumb@ss. Take pictures of your daughter to put in her scrapbook anyway. The story of her first cut will simply have to be different from the others. If you have them 4 days a week and give him 3, you may consider getting custody of your children and making him work to have half custody- like he should have to go to family counseling with you where you can discuss his disrespectful attitude and set some boundaries. Don't you worry, lady. There is always a way around a dumb@ss. You just have to find it. Good luck.

you have EVERY RIGHT to be angry. he took her w/out asking, and ruined your chances of witnessing her first haircut. that being said, allow yourself a period of time that you can be extremely angry and then try to move on. if you hold a grudge, it will only make matters worse. you have to remember that she will have many many haircuts after this one. so treat your first haircut w/ her as her first haircut. i understand that you feel completely heartbroken and emotional about it. its a terrible situation to be in, and he was in the wrong completley. but, like i said, allow yourself a day or two to be furious and then take a breather, and try and move past it. it'll make things much easier on you if you do that.

I understand your frustration. I would not call it overreacting, but in the scheme of things this will be a small thing in the future. (Think about children who's male parent takes no notice at all.)

Remember she will NOT (more than likely) remember this event. The more you make of it the more it will effect her.

Give her your love and hugs. Let father know that you would like to be the one to do the 'mother-daughter' salon thing with her. Let him know that you place importance on the 'first' things in your children's lives. Therefore at least photos would be better than nothing.

Good luck, Mom. Remember, some mother lose there children. Be thankful that you have them with you to share any part of their day-to-day.

being the father I think he has the right to do half the parenting. He is a jerk for throwing the hair out if he knew it meant that much to you. How is he suppose to know about short bangs? Let him do half the parenting, it's good for him, but let him know it's wrong of him to not let you have the hair, as if hair sitting in a bag took much maintenance.

You are not overreacting. I would be FURIOUS! I'm not a mom yet, but i totally see where you are coming from, and I'd slap my ex through the face if he had to do this. He knew it meant alot to you, and clearly meant nothing to him, as he had it chopped off because he was tired of taking care of it??? what kind of excuse is that? How much work can doing an 18months old hair be?
II'm a very sentimental person, and I would want to do the same with my kids, grow their hair out, and eventually take them for their first haircut and keep some hair in a photo album, which u can show them many years later.
The fact that he didn't even let you know beforehand really bothers me. Some people can really be so irresponsible and idiotic. What I suggest is, let her hair grow out again (I know it takes time) and forbid him to ever do that again without your permission, and take her for her second haircut.
I hope you feel better about this, but you're def not overreacting

Ok be angry you have the right but since he has failed you in so many ways already (hence the divorce) why be surprised?

He probably did it without thinking and so I would advise you to let it go, get on with your divorce and think about the other 'firsts' you will hopefully get to enjoy with your child. ie. First day of kindergarten, first play, etc.

i could understand why your mad, you wanted to be there for the first hair cut. but he probably didn't think it was a big deal, he may have thought he was saving you some time and money. also, shes his child too..so he doesn't really have to consult you on something as small as a haircut.

Yes, you are. Amazingly so, in fact.