er yes, kind of, except for the sort of OVERUSE of any and all adjectives. Just leave some out -- it's just a prologue, not the entire thing! if you really want to put in some of those (overdramatic in my opinion) details in later, be my guest. :D good luck!
oh yeah and the names are kind of annoying. sorry, but they are those kind of names that are so unrealistic that they tend ...